Damn you fever and wig lady!

I had a great 4th of July weekend.  Saw lots of friends and family, did some dancing, played a few games of Washers, and laughed a lot.  On July 4th, I woke up feeling exhausted.  I was getting the chills, my gums were sore, I didn't feel well.  I took my temperature and it was 100.4.  My nurse said if it ever gets to that temperature call the doctor. So it's 8 pm on 4th of July, not thinking Disco Leo would answer, I call him at home.  He answers!  He calls in a prescription for different antibiotics.

july 5 2011
My temperature is 101.3.  I email the medical team.  Disco Leo asks me to come in and get some bloodwork checked.  Fever breaks but then comes back later that night in the 100 range.  Counts are low and my absolute Neutrophils are at 0. No infections show up in the bloodwork/cultures.

july 6 2011
I go in for my scheduled infusion.  They check my counts again.  I end up being evaluated by Disco Leo and he says that we are going to postpone treatment to Friday or Monday.  I'm pretty upset because I don't want to be off track and I want to get better fast.  My Absolute Neutrophils are still at 0 but I have some baby cells being created, healthy cells that help with the fight.  Disco Leo says 1% of people get unexplained fevers.  Leave it to me to be placed in that percentage.  Chemo gets pushed to July 11!

My roommate Amy calls me and tells me my wig was at the store.   Here's the story; 2 weeks ago I went to a specialty store to get fitted for my wig.  We order a few options and the lady said it would be there in 2 days.  I schedule my appt for the following week.  When that day came, I called and rescheduled the appt because I wasn't ready.  Yes my hair was shedding, but not falling out in clumps.  I decide to reschedule to the day before chemo (which was postponed), so I can mentally prepare myself. And besides I was certain that the 3rd round of chemo was going to officially speed up the hair loss.  Right as I was about to leave, the store calls me. "We don't have your wig. I don't know what happened. I am so sorry".  I was pretty upset.  Don't they realize that this is an emotional thing!!!  Amy and Renee call them to sort things out.  Amy tells them maybe they should have told me that the wig was not in yet when I called the week before, so I could be prepared that it may be there or it may not.  So back to Amy calling me the day it came.  Since I didn't have chemo, Minos, Deb and I go to the store for my wig appt.  I failed to tell you that they had my wig all along and got the order mixed up with another Noreen.  First of all, how random is it that there are 2 Noreen's getting wigs.  People, check the last name! Minos is driving my car and insists on playing Chiddy Bang.  I say no.  He basically became a brat and I cave and let him have his music.  After a song and a half play, I switch to my ipod and play Justin Bieber.  Minos freaks out...ha!  Then I went back to some music he would like...Matt and Kim.  Good pump up music for a trip to get your head shaved!  We get to the store and they apologize over and over again.  I sit down in the chair. We do a few things before the official buzz. Minos is intrigued with all the breast prosthetics and the options of nipple colors.  The lady grabs the clippers.  I was pretty stoic up until this point.  Once the clippers touched my head, I lost it.  I was crying so hard. My hands were covering my face and I was balling.  Deb held my hand and comforted me the whole time.  Thank you Deb.  I couldn't look in the mirror.  I took my hands away from my face and kept my head down.  I didn't want to face this.  But I had to.  I slowly looked up and saw my newly buzzed head.  Is that me?  Really? I immediately thought that I looked like how I did when I was a baby.  When I was baptized in Jordan, they cut my hair so short like a boy. 30 years later I am blessed to look like a 1 year old again in 31 y/o body without the olive oil on my forehead. In a way, this was aother baptism.  To be free of everything and start new. To take these nuggets I learn throughout my journey and take another step into this new chapter in my life.

The wig lady places my new wig on and it was amazing how it looked so natural.  It was me! But I still felt that was not the true me.

Minos, being the superman he is, gets his luscious greek locks buzzed as well.  Oooweee he is so handsome!

I stopped at Mac Daddy.  MacDaddy is the salon I go to and my friend/stylist cleans up my buzz cut for me and cuts my wig to look a little more like me.  We decide not to cut too much off because it won't grow back. Duh!

So a few days have passed and I have been rocking the buzzed look.  I actually am getting used to it.  I did feel weird going into the public, I'm not going to lie.  I felt like people were looking at me. Were they wondering if I was sick? Did they think something tragic happened, like I went mental like Brittany Spears?  Did they think I was a european model? Ha, I didn't really think they thought that last one but I felt self-conscious. I went to a friends going away party and it was my first major public appearance with the new do.  I felt, well, I actually don't know how I felt.  It was different. And I didn't like it.  I felt trapped and I'm not sure why.  I knew I was comfortable with the new look. So I couldn't understand this feeling, and as I write this, I think isolation or alone would be good words to describe it.  Again, another lesson for me that I am still trying to figure out. Another emotion that surfaces.  Another day into this journey. Another day closer to getting better and being stronger. I feel like yelling a "Ooh-rah" like the marines right now!  OooooRAH!