Taking Down Hodgkins: "Noreen, you are valve-y"

July 11 2011

Round 3 of chemo today. I feel out of sorts. I am not getting chemo on my typical wednesday. I am scheduled for the afternoon instead of in the morning. I start off the day working. I get some things done. My sister is taking me to chemo today and Deb is meeting us there.

We stop at Panera on the way so I can grab a quick lunch. I am waiting in line. There are 8 kids running around and the next thing I see is this kid vomiting on the floor. I get the heck out of there. No thank you!

We head to the hospital and Deb meets us there. I get my blood check and all my counts look great. I bounced back! My white blood cells and Neutrophils are back in the normal range. I am relieved. I get placed in a room, but not my usual room. I have no bed this time. Celia starts preparing me for my iv. We put a hot pack on my arm. She pokes me once, then twice, then a third time. Unsuccessful. She was able to get in my vein but my blood flow was poor. We need to have proper flow because my chemo drugs are caustic and can damage to my pretty little veins. Celia gets another nurse to try. Her name is Cheryl. She immediately asks me to change my music because she was not having Gnarls Barkley. Deb changes the music for her and she is happier. She pokes me 1 time. Unsuccessful. She says I am valve-y, whatever that means. We discuss getting a pic line. This is were they put a line in my inner arm. I feel pretty upset because I don't want to have a problem with chemo and I don't want a pic line. I don't want it to get postponed again. I tear up. I am frustrated. Cheryl tries again. As she is poking me again she says to me, "Baby, if you can get through a pap smear, you can and will get through this" I immediately laugh. She gets in the vein. Success! She gives me a big hug. Then brings me candy and says I got a star for today for being the best patient:)

Wonder Woman with some barbie on her shoulder;)

We start the Zofran (anti-nausea). Then the Zinecard (heart meds). I immediately get dizzy and everything I see starts spinning. I lay back and recover after 15 minutes. Celia puts me in another room. We start chemo this time and she administers my Adriamyacin, then Bleomycin, the Vinblastine. We then get my final chemo drug started on IV drip. I get immediately tired.

Beth, the social worker stops by and we chat. Beth always does a great job of checking in with me and makes sure I am doing well. I start telling her the latest with me, my wig story, and some other stories about my BM. I learn that she too had Hodgkins at the age 20. She is 31 and a survivor. We start talking about the word survivor and I tell her I can't wait to be a survivor. She tells me, "Noreen, you are a survivor today and everyday. You are surviving each day of this journey" I guess I never looked at that way. Then it leads us into another discussion. I tell her that many people say I am an inspiration, courageous, and brave. I often don't know what to say to people when they say that besides thank you. I feel I have no choice to face this disease with a positive attitude. I am not a negative person. I would be this way even if I didn't have the Hodgy. She says maybe people are reacting to the way I am handling this and friends and family know what kind of person I am and it is truly showing now that I am going through this. She definitely brought some insight for me today. Thank you Beth!

We get done with chemo and Celia and I start talking about getting a port. A port is this device that gets placed in my chest and connected to a main vein. It has a rubberized center which gives easy access for IV's and shots and what not. This is a way to save my veins and it will be less frustrating for me and them to find a vein that is "working". It is another surgery but I am sure it's well worth it. The sucky thing is that this will be a 3rd scar on my chest. Another war wound, another reminder I will face everyday of what I went through and will overcome one day. Another day to shout "Oorah!"

I am leaning towards the port. I need to save my veins. We wrap up and we get going. I am extremely tired which again this is not normal for me after chemo. I get home and my Aunt Intesar (really cousin) and Uncle Maurice are over. It's so good to see them as they always make me smile and laugh. My little terror of a niece is over as well running around like a mad woman. My aunt an uncle give me this sweet pajama set. I put it on immediately. We eat some dinner then I go upstairs and nap. Still pretty tired. I slept for maybe 15 minutes but it felt like I was out for 1 hour. I hear Ali talking...she is at my apartment. She came by to give me a special gift. I actually know about the gift. It's a necklace. And this is how I knew. I stopped by our Lakeview clinic on Friday to say hi to my coworkers and show them my newly buzzed head. I then look at Bethany's necklace and say "wow, that's really cute". She has this look on her face like "Oh shit". It clicks. Someone a few weeks back mentioned something about a necklace and I didn't ask any more questions. The necklace is silver with an id tag. On the tag it reads " no.". I say oh the "no" is for my nickname and it also means "no" to cancer. Then Laura turns her necklace around and I see she has it too! Anyway, I went back and forth as to wheher I should tell Ali I knew. I know she was super excited about it. I didn't mention anything yet but it does come up. I open the box and read a note from the designer. She said she is so happy to be making these necklaces for me and my friends. I open the box, and of course I love it! I see names of my friends that have purchased the necklace. This is a nice surprise. It really hits me. I have so many friends and family that love me. I have so many friends that are supporting me every step of the way. I am extremely touched and grateful. I give Ali a big hug. Even though I knew about the necklace I was still surprised. I told Ali I saw it a few days ago and she didn't care at all. She said she didn't tell anyone to keep it a secret.

I was sitting and admiring the necklace. I start tearing up a bit because I am so touched. I also feel sad for some people that are fighting cancer alone. It's not fair to them. It's not fair to anyone really. I send Ali a text "You got me tearing up! I am so lucky to have you and everyone. There are people out there with no one to help and I feel so sad about that. But I feel so loved and supported and it's a true blessing. Thank you!" She replies back, "you DESERVE all the love in the world. We are lucky to have YOU! You are a blessing and we love you!" Just typing this makes me tear.

She sends me the email that she sent out to our friends. The opening paragraph is beautiful:

Hello Friends of Noreen!

In an effort to show our support and love for Noreen we have created a custom-Noreen necklace. We found a modern artisan jewelry artist who hand makes "i.d. plate" necklaces. They are funky, simple, and classy, and I think they would make a great statement of support for our friend. The necklaces are elegant, eclectic, and unique as our Noreen is, and we want to invite anyone and everyone to rock one in support of her and as she undergoes treatment and recovers from lymphoma. She has been surrounded by so many family members and loved ones and this would be one more way we can jointly remind her that she is loved and cared for. We all contribute differently, and aside from our physical presence and words of love and support, it would be awesome for our immense network of friends and family, people she has trained and cared for, and people that adore her to be able to send our message in a shared way that says we are all behind her.