t h r e e

three

The number 3.  Exactly three months ago, I received that awful phone call from Dr. Hsieh telling me they found a lymphoma in my chest and I most likely have cancer.  I was blindsided.  The past 3 months I have cried, laughed, fainted, became feverish, worried, became hopeless, became hopeful, became a fighter, became a survivor.  Today, 3 months later from the dreaded phone call, I got my "unofficial" read on my PET scan.

I had my PET scan scheduled on August 8th.  I wasn't nervous.  More tired than anything.  I had an extremely busy week.  I took a flight to Connecticut for work and I didn't get sick!  I washed my hands literally as often as I could.  Or used my hand sanitizer.  I had my first glass of wine since May.  It is recommended that you don't drink while undergoing chemotherapy, but I have been feeling pretty good that I asked my nurse if I could cheat.  She gave me permission to have a glass of wine here and there but closer to my chemo day, not after.  I can't have sushi, because of the risk of getting sick. But she gave me permission to have a california roll (no raw fish, just imitation crab, ha).  So I did do those things.  I went to a favorite Sushi spot called Shine with Amy, Vivian, Rachel and Renee.  I savored every sip of the wine.  I loved the california roll even though that is an amateur roll.  I drooled over every bite (ok, maybe not) of the chicken pea pod dish.  So yummy.  I find myself dreaming of food. 

I had dinner with my cousins Freeda, Shafeeg, and Fadi.  Lorena, Ari, and Minos too.  We shared some good laughs and reminisced about the old days.

I had an amazing dinner with my sisters and bro-in-law at Picollo Sogno.  I had another glass of wine (shhh, don't tell my doctor).  I swapped wigs with Layla, my niece.  She rocks a mean pink mullet!

I went to a Bollywood Groove class with Rachel, Andrea, and my sister Hilda (who is in town the next 2 weeks).  I got my heart pumping.  It felt so go to be alive and to be dancing and working out.  I was able to make it through more dance routines then last time.

I had dinner (I know, I eat a lot) with some high school friends Katie, Kitty and Jamie.  We went to Retro on Roscoe and I danced my little heart out to 80's songs played by my favorite band Spazmatics!

So, yeah I had a busy week of work, food, dancing and laughing. The whole week I knew how important the following week was going to be.  I had reached a milestone. 1/3 done with treatment.  Repeat PET scan to check the activity of the cancer cells. An echo to see how my heart is holding up and if the ejection fraction is still low. But yet, I was still calm about going in for the scan.  I even asked the nurse to take a picture of me after my scan.  This machine is my enemy and my best friend.  It told me I had cancer.  It can tell me I'm cured.  It can tell me my cancer returned (hopefully that won't happen in the future). I saw the this machine and said to it, "Hi dear friend, You are going to be good to me this time, right?"

So what were the results….

I emailed Dr. Gordon, I mean Disco Leo, if he had the results yet.  He replied to me late that night but I was sleeping.  Today, on August 9, three months later,  my alarm wakes me up at 7am.  I look at my phone to see if I have my envelope icon.  I do! It's an email response from Disco Leo. I read:

"Noreen, Report looks great (just saw it) and I have not seen the scan myself but will tomorrow. All disease reported as gone. Looks like a non-significant area of inflammation in lung." 

My CANCER is GONE! Am I in remission?  I think so!  I still have yet to hear the official words come out of Disco's mouth but I go in tomorrow for Round 5 of chemo and I will see him.  I think this means no radiation and continue with chemotherapy for the next 4 month to make sure there is no reoccurrence. It's a blood cancer.  Kill all those nasty cancer cells and make sure they never come back.  I will hear the official words from him tomorrow if I am in remission.  I believe the word Cured is used till after 5 years of remission, of being cancer free…but don't quote me on that.

I tell my mom right away.  She sheds several tears of happiness, relief, joy.  I have yet to cry tears of happiness.  It hasn't hit me.  Maybe because I need to hear it from Disco Leo.  Maybe because I have 4 more months of treatment.  This journey isn't over.  It will never be over.  I say that because I have a different outlook.  I am entering a new chapter of this journey of life of being a cancer survivor.